Stained Monochrome Wings

Decaying Consumption

08-21-16

The blackness of this old bedroom

once brought comfort

and solace to a malicious mind.

Cloaking the crimson scars in this masquerade

I never learned to deal with these problems

and locked them away

in the now-unfamiliar room

This place of so many morbid memories,

times of suicide and drugs

burn back into this memory

thought abandoned

No longer does my current self run,

No, instead learning to embrace

this evil of 20 years passing

Instead of being overwhelmed, consumed,

it becomes a newfound, enlightened part of me

No longer does the fear or anger control me,

no longer does the pain wound me,

no longer do these scars tingle and twitch,

lusting for the blade.

With a cleared head and heart,

as if reborn from the void itself,

I relish in the darkness and refuse to hide,

consuming it rather than it me

Gold-Encrusted Wings

12-22-15

Alarms blaring in the background

of an already noise-filled skull.

Repetitious thoughts screaming,

alluding to mental dissonance.

The future is black

like paint on my nails,

and the color of blood on my sharpened razor.

So take me out back and shoot.

The romanticization of my suicide.

Moonstruck by this cemetery inside my own mind!

How heartless, selfish, vacant I’ve become.

Bypassing the sine qua non of life,

I’ve made all my satisfactions disappear.

Nothing left to give me feelings of tenderness,

merriment or even slight gratification.

Things out of my control,

yet as authoritarian as I am,

the vulnerability seeps into these battered,

scathed butterfly wings

(Why - why more of this?)

Deteriorating once more,

seeming to continuously shatter.

The cracks no longer filled with gold;

it has faded back to monochrome.

The gold shone for quite awhile!

Once lighting the path for restless vagabonds,

now it harbors the decease of many souls.

Coming Soon...

I Don't Want To Live!

10-16-13

You keep burning bridges,

we're hanging by a thread

so don't slash it like I do

my wrists.

These lines

dragged across my flesh.

And now it's like wow!

You make me sick

with the talk of

relearning your addict.

You man-child,

can't you see this misery you've cast?

Upon me, them, yourself?

I don't want to live!

The Aftermath

10-06-13

I had nothing to say

while we walked, hand-in-hand,

broken hearts unified:

Except to cry and suffocate

in a wave of my own hyperventilation,

an uproar contained a red-eyed woman.

These words won't adorn the page

as I now rethink the aftermath of a devastation.

Something foreseen yet unspoken

until tonight, tonight.

We loved the other

and we let go.

Bring on the slump,

sleepless nights;

we say we're okay but nothing is alright.

Now we can't kiss,

or cuddle;

can't love or couple.

I never meant for it to be like this!

Despite the fight I love you still;

Disregard every harsh word you said.

Truth was spoken throughout the duration

of this distressed encounter.

Don't apologize,

don't feel terrible or

beat yourself up:

These last nine months

you loved me more than anybody in my life --

you showed me more to life

than anyone has in

these whole damned eighteen years!

How to be prosperous,

I knew when I was with you.

It was unadulterated,

genuinely golden.