Stained Monochrome Wings

Decaying Consumption

08-21-16

The blackness of this old bedroom

once brought comfort

and solace to a malicious mind.

Cloaking the crimson scars in this masquerade

I never learned to deal with these problems

and locked them away

in the now-unfamiliar room

This place of so many morbid memories,

times of suicide and drugs

burn back into this memory

thought abandoned

No longer does my current self run,

No, instead learning to embrace

this evil of 20 years passing

Instead of being overwhelmed, consumed,

it becomes a newfound, enlightened part of me

No longer does the fear or anger control me,

no longer does the pain wound me,

no longer do these scars tingle and twitch,

lusting for the blade.

With a cleared head and heart,

as if reborn from the void itself,

I relish in the darkness and refuse to hide,

consuming it rather than it me

Now introducing the revamped story of life and death of the monochrome butterfly...

The website is now live! I will be periodically updating the main project, as The Death in an unfinished category with poetry still to be written for it. Also check back om the website for news and updates of the Butterfly's journey, and any extra side projects I may be adding along the way.

As for the Stained Monochrome Wings Tumblr blog, it will still be updated with news on the website, but any pieces of poetry and prose will now be posted on the website, or the Facebook page.

I am also looking to post my poetry on other websites across the Internet. I will be adding my content to the website Royal Road (http://royalroadl.com/) and possibly Deviant Art in the future. Keep checking back for updates on where my content will be published next.

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To view the Tumblr page, check it out here: http://stained-monochrome-wings.tumblr.com/

Don’t forget to like and share my Facebook page as well: https://www.facebook.com/stainedmonochromewings/

Gold-Encrusted Wings

12-22-15

Alarms blaring in the background

of an already noise-filled skull.

Repetitious thoughts screaming,

alluding to mental dissonance.

The future is black

like paint on my nails,

and the color of blood on my sharpened razor.

So take me out back and shoot.

The romanticization of my suicide.

Moonstruck by this cemetery inside my own mind!

How heartless, selfish, vacant I’ve become.

Bypassing the sine qua non of life,

I’ve made all my satisfactions disappear.

Nothing left to give me feelings of tenderness,

merriment or even slight gratification.

Things out of my control,

yet as authoritarian as I am,

the vulnerability seeps into these battered,

scathed butterfly wings

(Why - why more of this?)

Deteriorating once more,

seeming to continuously shatter.

The cracks no longer filled with gold;

it has faded back to monochrome.

The gold shone for quite awhile!

Once lighting the path for restless vagabonds,

now it harbors the decease of many souls.

Coming Soon...

I Don't Want To Live!

10-16-13

You keep burning bridges,

we're hanging by a thread

so don't slash it like I do

my wrists.

These lines

dragged across my flesh.

And now it's like wow!

You make me sick

with the talk of

relearning your addict.

You man-child,

can't you see this misery you've cast?

Upon me, them, yourself?

I don't want to live!

The Aftermath

10-06-13

I had nothing to say

while we walked, hand-in-hand,

broken hearts unified:

Except to cry and suffocate

in a wave of my own hyperventilation,

an uproar contained a red-eyed woman.

These words won't adorn the page

as I now rethink the aftermath of a devastation.

Something foreseen yet unspoken

until tonight, tonight.

We loved the other

and we let go.

Bring on the slump,

sleepless nights;

we say we're okay but nothing is alright.

Now we can't kiss,

or cuddle;

can't love or couple.

I never meant for it to be like this!

Despite the fight I love you still;

Disregard every harsh word you said.

Truth was spoken throughout the duration

of this distressed encounter.

Don't apologize,

don't feel terrible or

beat yourself up:

These last nine months

you loved me more than anybody in my life --

you showed me more to life

than anyone has in

these whole damned eighteen years!

How to be prosperous,

I knew when I was with you.

It was unadulterated,

genuinely golden.

Living, Loving The Misery

10-26-13

I'm just going to be

another story -

one of his highly acclaimed stories -

he tells one of his next girlfriends

Like all the rest

of these exes became.

She says one day he'll see;

he loves to live in

a constant misery.

Baby, should I break you?

Should I make your life

a living hell?

Then would you love me?

Stains of Sorrow

05-15-13

My wings still soar

despite the stains

of sorrow

and the cracks

on the surface.

They are monochrome!

Once translucent, iridescent but

stained with

black over time,

but beautified.

Gilded wings no more

despite this I soar,

resisting the air

and falling from grace

down to this earth.

Will my wings shatter

on the way down

with the abrasiveness

of the abuse?

They fade to gray

from the black

and I learn to embrace the air

on the way down

collaborating with the elements

that shape and texturize

these monochrome wings

Forgotten Affinity

05-06-13

Happier

without her in my head,

my life aglow,

I can focus on the Delight.

My once affinity,

once infatuation,

I welcome the goodbye

I should have long ago said.

The Struggle to Improve

05-05-13

Crosses on my wrists

like the crosses on my lingerie;

I think: why did life have to play out this way?

Erase the complaints and see light,

you telling me we don't gotta fight.

We may not have our way

but you put it in perspective,

and tell me I have to live.

If bringing boys into my bedroom is a fine

then we'd be doing hard jail time.

Reprimand me

so I may learn my person

and improve instead of worsen.

Two damaged souls

recovering, burning the coals,

continuing daily life

and cultivating our cores

beginning from the roots to our pores.